Real Girl (by:Mutya Buena)

If I had one chance to
In my life again
I wouldn't make no changes
Now or way back when (yeah)
And if everything turns out
The way I hope it goes
But I cant wait to find out
What it is that God knows

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

And nothing's ever perfect
There's no guarantee
And if I knew the answers
It would put my mind at ease (no)
So I'll just keep on going
The way I've gone so far
And maybe I'll end up
Tryin' to catch a fallin star (yeah)

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

Baby this is who I am
Don't need you to understand
'Cause everything is right where it should be
It wont be long til you know about me,
'Cause I don't give a...
Even when I'm out of love
'Cause everythings just how it should be
And it wont be long till you know about me

E-X-A-S-P-E-R-A-T-E-D

My mind ain't runnin' out of crap

I gotta let it out..
please bear with me.



I am furious today.

..Don't you just hate it when things don't go your way?
..like you did EVERYTHING just to make things okay, but it ain't enough..

damn!

First off, I am not feeling well today. I'm sick. I can barely eat and roam around. It sucks. I am currently conserving the last atom of my energy for something beautiful that will take place this weekend. It seems that I'm the only person who's making a tremendous effort for this crap to push through. It doesn't feel good.

My phone line & Internet got disconnected. MY FAULT. Shit happens. It happened.
I settled my damn bills and repented for my act of procrastination. YES, I'M A FAN. We all are.
Already called the phone line provider for the f*ckin' nth time to have my phone line activated. NOGO. sh*t!
My phone line is STILL inactive for this very minute.
and for the past 4 days, I'm using my dad's old phone with a different mobile number just for me to get through everyday.
Cellphone addict that is. ikr?


ok, this is enough..
I gotta finish my previous entry that I wrote yesterday, which I haven't published yet because again, I PROCRASTINATED.
PROCRASTINATION GO AWAY PLEASE.


will.post.this.blog.NOW.

SQUARE ONE

It's been so long since I started writing again. Maybe im too busy? lack of motivation? lack of focus? I guess. I really don’t know. I usually write stuff whenever (pick your choice)

a.) im excited

b.) I feel like writing

c.) im moved

d.) im dead bored

The answer is.. NONE OF THE ABOVE. As stupid as it sounds, but I write whenever im extremely sad, confused and hurt. There's just something in those negative feelings that fills my mind and comforts my wandering soul. Emo-much? na-ah.. Like what I've said in my previous entry (check "happy" birthday! below), expressing myself is something that I'm not really good at. But poof! This is so effin weird! FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME, I'm now creating this entry because I'M HAPPY. Not really the Mary Poppin-singing-under-rainbows-and-butterflies type.. but it's some kind of "happy-because-I am-loved-and-I am-at-peace type". Got it? LOL.

I am at peace.

I am boundaryless.

I am happy.

On this very second, I really could not think of anything I want to wish for. CONTENTMENT I guess. I've been very blessed with a loving family. My mom, dad and my sister . I could not ask for more. They've showered me with much L♥ve and hapiness more than I could handle. Gave me TONS of toys & clothes when I was young, believed in my abilties as I grew up and still SPOILS me every single day of my life up to this very moment. LOL.

I have wonderful bestestbestfriends this world could ever have. They're my rock, my blood and my trusty tube of lipgloss in this journey. I don’t know what to do without them. I'd be weak. I'd be scared. I learned new things, values and lessons from them. Life would be a TOTAL BORE if I haven't met them. Thinking of losing them is a big heartbreak for me. I love them as much as I love my family because they're family too.

I love my job. *sighs* really! I LOVE IT! LOL. Again, first time in the history of my life I felt peace of mind and fulfillment in what I'm doing. It pays righteously, still has the most humane expectations and bearable workload (plus the fact that I could even do this thing while im at work. YES I AM AT WORK. LOL). I am robot no more! Isn't it great?!! I felt my pulse pound and the blood rushing through my veins after 3 damn years. This job/career thing that I'm doing now is not really the one I dreamt of when I was a little girl. But oh well, guess we need to wake up the l'il princess. LOL. I still love it seriously. Many people out there would be more than willing to kick my pretty ass and take over my place. but HELL NO baby! This girl's got style. LOL. Coz what I have here is THEIR DREAM COME TRUE. MY PRIVILEGE.

..Those are some things that's rockin' my world right now.. really can't tell how long this tingly feeling would stay. But who knows? Maybe myhapiness is really here to stay. Maybe I'm just too damn busy, unmotivated or unfocused to realize it. I guess. I really don’t know. Pick your choice.

"happy" birthday!

Well, How do I say this? Where do I start?..I dunno.. I'm not a freakin' dramaqueen. I don't do this kind of sh*t but this is TOO unbearable for me so I really need to atleast f*ckin' try to let it out of my crappy head. I'm not good at expressing myself 'coz I don't do that. I CAN'T. Period. So lemme try...

..Have you ever feel unloved? Taken for granted? Easily abandoned? and ignored by the people around you?.. I feel that most of the time especially with friends. It feels like there's a TON of people around you, but NOBODY hella cares! You just dont exist! So there.. See? crappy right? Sh*tty but TRUE.

..Special someone not around..

.."FRIENDS" blowing you off..

THIS F*CKING HURTS.

What a fun way to start my 23rd year!

THANKS guys..